this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I want a musical about memes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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