Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
