So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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