Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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