I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
