What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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