Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
