so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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