So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
