I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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