thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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