i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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