apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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