I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
