I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
