Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
