just tell him i said nine months
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
