He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
