I need help removing her.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
