Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
