Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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