he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
