I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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