We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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