sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
