Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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