I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
