I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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