there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
