I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
