dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
