Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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