You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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