Someone shit on the floor
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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