My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
