It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
