im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
