He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
