I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
