We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
