Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Small penises have feelings too.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
