4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
