All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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