i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
