Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
