no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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