Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
