genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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