The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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