Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
