New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
