Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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