Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
