I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
