there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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