I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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