I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
