i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
