and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
