i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize