he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
