Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
