i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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