I am spending my child support on dildos
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
