hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
