I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sober January is a disaster.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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