you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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