mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
