It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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