mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
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