I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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