I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
