really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sext me about skeletons
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
