can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize