This is not my ceiling
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
