both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
