Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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