I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
