I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
