Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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