They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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