I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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