i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize