saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize