How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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