He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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